I have had this blog site for almost a year now. I purchased the domain last February, and my intention was to blog at least once a week. I wanted to practice the craft of writing, as well as build a readership because I would like to start doing some freelance writing. I’m also working on a book, and the best way to get good at anything is to practice. This blog is supposed to be my practice.
But, here sits the blog, with nothing posted. I haven’t looked at it for so long, that I forgot how to log in. I had to contact support in order to get into my own blog page.
I have had all sorts of excuses for why my blog sits empty almost one year later. Most of them start with “But…” or “And then…”
PROCRASTINATION is how we typically describe this inaction. But actually, PROCRASTINATION is just a big word we use to hide the real reason we put things off:
Yep, plain old fear.
What, you may ask, could I be afraid of? Lots of people have blogs. Lots of people write and post all sorts of crap all over the inter-webs. So what’s so scary?
I’m (perhaps irrationally) terrified that “people will think it’s crap”, or “people will say mean shit”, or it won’t make sense, or that I will be judged for my writing or my life or my feelings.
And the truth is, each of those things will probably happen at one point or another. So, why do this? Why write? Why tell stories? Why write a ghost story that maybe no one will ever read? Why muse and ponder and create an essay called In Defense of Taylor Swift?
Because: Writing makes me happy. Thinking about things and pondering aloud or on paper, makes me HAPPY. Creating stories and getting to tell them MAKES ME HAPPY.
And, maybe the cost of NOT putting my work out there is too high, at the end of the day. The price for stifling my creativity (out of fear) is a price I no longer want to pay. I have played it relatively safe for most of my life. I stuck close to home for college, I didn’t pursue the dream I really wanted to pursue in favor of the “safe” choice. I limited myself -and I knew I was doing it- but I didn’t have the courage to live a bigger life.
I don’t think I can afford to do that anymore. I think this little step of putting out a blog, sharing my words, my stories, my life is one I need to take towards living a creative life. I want to show my kids that the safe choice is not always the best choice…you have to stick your neck out and be willing to fall on your face, because that is usually when you learn and grow the most. The best rewards often come out of our greatest risks.
Time to be brave.
I can not promise you what I write will always be great. I know it won’t be perfect. Sometimes, it might absolutely suck. But I can promise you that it will be from my heart. And that’s the best I can offer. Isn’t that the best any of us can offer?
So, this is the beginning. Dear Readers, thank you for joining me on this journey. If you read one word, or a thousand, I love you for it. I hope you will find something you can relate to here in these pages, and that you will find a reason to come back and share this journey with me. It may not be pretty, but I made it. 🙂